Ok, now that I’ve got your attention. Here’s some randoms:
There are 1,000,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 999,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
Eventually, alas, Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
Never tell a Spanish maid you want everything to be spic-and-span
Politics is so corrupt even the dishonest people get fucked
It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than 9 months
When blowing out your birthday candles, suppose you wish for one candle to stay lit? Is it possible for your wish to come true?
The child molester skipped breakfast, said he’d grab a little something on the way to work.
Nothing is so boring as listening to somebody else describe a dream
It is impossible to dry one hand
The reason they call it the American Dream is cause you have to be asleep to believe it
“No comment” is a comment
Nothing rhymes with “nostril”
A lot of people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones that refuse to wear a seatbelt.
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
There are two places in the world: over here and over there
Footday Night Monball?
more George Carlin ensues…
make sure you desktop that Alicia Keys, meanwhile, I’m trying to get tickets to her soul session hosted here in Atlanta on Nov. 6th.