A few words on being appreciative.

Often the things we most strongly dislike in others are a reflection of ourselves. A mirror effect if you will. We look at it and disgusts us, just like an ugly blemish in the mirror. The  easy way to deal with the problem is to avoid the mirror, and just look outwards judging those around you… that’s how you go around the problem. The right way to handle it, in my humble opinion, is to go through the problem… look in the mirror and accept your imperfections.

Sometimes God puts exactly what you want/ need in front of you and tests you to see if you’re ready for your promotion. Many of us, although we think we’re deserving, are not.  Sometimes it comes from not knowing the value of what you have, sometimes it comes from not valuing YOURSELF. Actually I think it’s a combination of both.

When I was a child, I remember a conversation about why I was unhappy. The answer I gave to my guardians: I don’t have as many video games as ______. So worried about the next person that I can’t appreciate my own.

I’ve been so much better at it lately, the biggest thing I had to accept was “worthy does not mean entitled”. I’ve been ungrateful all my life, so pardon me if I don’t stop overnight. But I’m trying. Once you start to work on yourself you realize how difficult it actually is to unlearn bad habits, these qualities we feel are justified that unknowingly put off other people. Frequently, it’s not even “us” that’s doing it. It’s our peers, the people around us, society… us trying to fit in, rather than be ourselves.

This is what worked for me. These words are reflections of self.

First step: Understand that your situation could always be worse. Whatever it is, before you complain remember that.

Second Step: Remove all expectations. No disappointment. It’s not about what so & so got or what you wish you had. It’s about what you have today and who is willing to give to you.

Third step: Put yourself in the other persons shoes. Understand the sacrifice, love, effort, the thought put behind their gesture. Be thankful that someone loves your sorry ass to begin with and cares about you enough to do something for you. YOU ARE SPECIAL…. to someone. That’s why they’re doing it. Because you’re special and they want you to feel special.

I know where my ungrateful ways come from, but I also accept that they are in me. Can I be honest? I wasn’t raised right… well not entirely. I remember seeing people receive gifts and throw them back in the faces of people because it wasn’t pleasing enough. I swear that I once thought this was acceptable. I’ve seen people check the price tags on a gift before even saying thankyou. I’ve seen people get exactly what they wanted, or a notch below, or comparable something and still find a way to complain.

Do better. Be thankful.

SN: Love comes in many shapes and forms. I hadn’t seen love until I witnessed a girl go sell the clothes out of her suitcase to have money to spend for my birthday. I still watch the video of her singing happy birthday to me from time to time. God that woman loved me, and like any ungrateful person would, found a reason to complain. She saw something in me that no-one else saw, and she damn sure knew how to make someone feel special, even when they held no value in themselves. Speaks so highly to the integrity and character of someone.

It took me a while to realize it, but I’ll trade genuine love and affection over any amount of money or balleristic thing anyday. It was just hard to get accustomed to “the real thing” because I’d never known it. All I knew was what I’d seen all my life. This false reality that if you Spend more = love more. No stupid, if you love more = you get more love in return.

This particular birthday was an eye opener in many ways. It showed me I was a grown ass spoiled brat. It separated the fake friends from the real. It’s not always about a hidden motive, dig deep inside and ask are those reflections of yourself. The key to being grateful is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. The real friends will reveal themselves. I’m very glad that I cancelled my big 25 party, I’m very glad that I didn’t believe the hype “You gotta do it bigger and better than last year” crap.

“Soon as the money blows/ pigeons take flight” – JayZ

Last year? I pulled up to valet in a Range Rover and had an entire flock of dimes jump out the truck with me (seats 5). Last year? We had a VIP section and bottles…. and more bottles… and blunts… and bottles… and cake… and candles… and sparklers…and pills… and bottles. Wait, I seriously drove home that night? What I did after that I’m even more ashamed of. Let’s just say I had a very important decision to make… It made for an amazing story to “the homies” but as I grew more mature, I realized how badly I’d hurt that girl. That night I didn’t care. But today I’m so so so so so ashamed. Life goes on.. she moved on, had a kid, but I’m surprised she even talks to me to this day. Forgiveness is wild, yet necessary.

I was so caught up in the fortune and fame, that I lost sight of what was important. I mean I was in the club every night, I knew every promoter, I shot so many millionaire birthday parties that I became delusional enough to think that I too deserved this. But I haven’t even seen a million. Not, not posessed, seen… I’ve never seen a million dollars with my own two eyes. So how dare I stunt like that’s me? You unearned privilege enjoying son-of-a……. wait a second. I’m describing myself as the type of person I claimed to hate.

Funny how that happens right?

As much as I despise the trait in others, I realized that I had to despise it in myself FIRST.

I had so many people come in and out of my life willing to give their all to me, and their all wasn’t good enough. I wanted more… and more… and more, until eventually I had nothing at all. It’s self defeating, it’s repelling, it’s toxic, it’s un-Godly. Be humble, be thankful.

Remember:  Effort, time, love, thought, compassion are infinitely more valuable than money.

Love Only. Love Always.

 

 

 

Fact: Actually everyone that was in that car that night has a kid now… I am not the father.

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